Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
