So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
