i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
