You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
