If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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