I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
