does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
