Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
