How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
