More tranny stories later!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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