I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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