you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I met the friendliest cop last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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