don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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