before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
