if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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