Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
