Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
