I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
