am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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