New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
