oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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