he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
