I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
