On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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