I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
