am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
