So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
