smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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