just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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