Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
