She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
