Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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