Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
