I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize