just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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