Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
