My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
