I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
