I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
