Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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