In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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