i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
