i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
