She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
