I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
