Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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