Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shame is for Republicans.
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