My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
