i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In America we eat man semen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
