I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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