mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
