remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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