you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.