i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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