...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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