Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
