Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
