Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
