just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
