I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
