we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dicks are not precious.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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