since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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