Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
