i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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