Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
