look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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