whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
