I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
