Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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