it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
