you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
